A Change of Heart

In order to nurture our marriage we must first have a change of heart. This is what I have really come to learn this week. This is not easy to do if your heart has become harden within your marriage over years and years but I believe it can be done.

Our perspective on marriage needs to change first. Adam and Eve were a great example of this. Now when I am feeling down and negative about my marriage I only need to think about Adam and Eve, if I think I have it bad, Adam and Eve had it pretty rough. Leaving beautiful and perfect Garden of Eden to go into a “lone and deaery world.” I have been pretty lonely the past 7 months, having moved to a new place from a beautiful place with lots of friends. I still have more than Adam and Eve though. This fall into the world from the Garden of Eden was not a tragedy. “It was a brave step toward eternal accomplishment.” (Gottman Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage). If we start thinking of our marriage in this way it will help us soften our heart.

Next we need to bring humility into our hearts. With humility comes sacrifice, I believe. In order to sacrifice we need to be humble and turn our heart and will over to the Lord. When we do this we can look at our spouse in a new light. The world doesn't look at marriage this way however. Gottman said, “Most of us want the prize without paying the price. We want to have a close, loving marriage, but we're not willing to give up our pet affections. But God has required us to make sacrifices if we are to enjoy that which is most valuable.” He continues... “The willingness to put our preferences on the altar in obedience to God and service of our partner is a sacrifice filled with grace and truth—goodness and eternal vision. Our sacrifices are the key to our growth and eternal possibilities.”

After we learn and understand and apply these things to our marriage we can start nurturing the love in our marriage. We can sacrifice to learn and understand our spouse more fully which will strengthen the foundation of friendship in the marriage.

My favorite quote I read this week was in Goddard's book, Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage. He said, The cure for cancerous expectations is humble submission—a broken heart and a contrite spirit.” He goes onto to explain what “a broken heart and a contrite spirit” really means. “I feel sure that Jesus is not asking that we be depressed and miserable. I think He is asking that we surrender our demands that things be done our way. In place of being demanding we become agreeable, submissive, cooperative, and appreciative. This is the natural result of allowing Jesus to transfor the natural man to the man of Christ.”

What beautiful words that are so clear and make perfect sense. This really helps me understand how to have a change of heart in order to nurture my marriage and strengthen the roots of my marriage.