Couples Council

 

A couple years ago when my son was a little over a year old, we would frequently have the missionaries over for dinner. The missionaries always brought such a strong spirit of peace and happiness into our home. They weren’t afraid to share insights they had brought upon by the Holy Ghost. On one such occasion we were sitting around the dinner table and one of the missionaries asked us if we did companionship inventory. I had heard that missionaries did that but wasn’t sure exactly how that would relate to our marriage specifically. They went on to explain how we could use this tool to strengthen our marriage or keep us strong as we learned to council together weekly. I loved the idea, probably more than my husband did, and we did it for a few weeks following. We didn’t keep at it though. I think we were missing a few key steps or ideas that needed to be incorporated to make it effective in our marriage.

I learned what some of those keys things might be as I read Chapter 2 of Counseling With Your Councils by M Russell Ballard. In this chapter Ballard is speaking of how the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints uses councils to make decisions within the Church and to communicate effectively. I learned that this same method can be very effective within a marriage. I don’t think that in my own marriage the couple council needs to be quite so formal but I do think some of the elements are very important.

Begin With Prayer

I believe beginning with a prayer to invite the spirit will help tremendously with driving away contentions and coming together as a couple to help solve problems or communicate more effectively.

Listen Without Interrupting

In the same chapter I mentioned above Elder Rulon G. Craven says this concerning the councils of the Quorom of the Twelve Apostles,

“I have noticed that each of the Brethren is not so much concerned with expressing his own point of view of others and striving to create a proper climate in the Council meetings. They are sensitive to one another’s thoughts and rarely interrupt one another during conversations.”

This is something I definitely need to learn from. I know that if I implement this into my couples council a will see a big difference in the effectiveness and outcome.

           

Focus on the Common Goal

The last key part of making couples council effective is focusing on the common goal. There needs to be a common goal in marriage. What is best for our marriage instead of what I want to happen or what my husband thinks is best. Elder Rulon G. Craven also said concerning the Quorom of the Twelve Apostles, “During discussion they do not push their own ideas but try to determine from the discussion what would be best for the kingdom.” As we try to work our differences or talk about a plan of action to help the marriage/family if we think about what would be best for the marriage/family and what would achieve the goals it will make it easier to come together on decisions.

            I hope that as I try to do these things I can start seeing something like what President Gordon B. Hinckely described. He said, “But I have never observed serious discord or personal enmity among my Brethren. I have, rather, observed a beautiful and remarkable thing—the coming together, under the directing influence of the Holy Spirit and under the power of revelation, of divergent views until there is total harmony and full agreement. Only then is implementation made.”